Sunday, November 27, 2011
#LikeAKobe,Emo^| 1:02 PM;
27th November 2011, my birthday?
But still, I don't feel any enthusiasm or exceptional excitement arising in me, because there's nothing to look forward to, not without you there. :/ I'm really serious, why did you have to leave? I'm damn jealous and curious, what are you doing now..?
How long has it been? 5 weeks and a few days has passed since we broke up. Yeah it'd did, fast right? Whereas I have to wake up, unwillingly hope and finally get crushed by severe disappointment everyday, stay up late into the night every night just to see you online, just to see your posts; that's because this is the only way, I can feel connected to you in any possible way now.
You used to confess to me when you can't take it anymore, you used to tell me. But now, I wonder, who would be there for me now when I need them most? I need you. You never knew didn't you? Now, 'hope' itself has already familiarized itself with my heart, with its usual aches whenever my hopes rise.. to fall in the end.
Now, it's just every unmade day passing by for me, because you are not there to complete it. :/ Am I being gluey now..? This is just one of those times it seem, when important days come by and I hope for you to spend it with me. Why did you have to come and find me, when you were intending to leave later? Fuck it!
Around 6 weeks ago, you sent me this message, just before the day we got together, the day when you were totally moodswinging like nobody's business :/
"It's okay, I can give up. I can't take it anymore, I'm feeling so upset, jealous and angry. Why must you be the one guy to make me feel all this? You made me feel it so strongly like nothing ever before :/ Why must it be you who will give me this feeling? I really can't take it anymore. Haishh~ It's so frustrating you know? I also don't know why I will feel this way, but.. nvm. It's useless anyway. Nights. :)"
Now what? You left so abruptly, you changed so quickly, you tore up my heart just like kids tear up paper, that easily and ruthlessly.
Now it's my turn I suppose. But what can I say?
That I still love you..? That I miss you really so much? That.. can we get back together?
I haven't any more courage to spit it up and say things out.
You smashed all of it when you left.